Rewrite Your Self-Talk and Reclaim Your Confidence with Ly Smith | 008

You're listening to the Sacred She Reset podcast.

If you're a woman in midlife who's done doing this alone and

ready for real conversations, real wisdom, and real radiance,

you're exactly where you need to be. I'm your host Sharia Shana.

Your path to radiance starts here. And welcome, listeners.

Welcome to today's show. I'm joined by Lee Smith, spelt L Y,

a self leadership strategist, award winning keynote speaker,

and creator of the Candy Method. Lee helps high achieving women

move beyond self-doubt, perfectionism, and people

pleasing to reclaim their confidence, trust, their inner

voice, and lead themselves differently. Lee, welcome to

Sacred Shee Reset. I am delighted to have you here.

Welcome to the show. Thank you so much, Sheree. Very excited to

be here with you and talk about my passion, all things

self-talk. Yeah, it's so wonderful. And this

conversation, listeners. Well, it started in Costa Rica earlier

this year when we were both on a wonderful retreat, women's

retreat. And Lee and I just had this amazing sisterhood

connection from the get-go. I'd say it's um, yeah, and it's now

wonderful to share her expertise here with you all. So, Lee, what

was it in your own journey that led you to become so passionate

about helping women change the conversations they have with

themselves?

Yeah, thank you so much, Sheree. It it actually

began about 10 years ago, and I was on this an incredible

holiday with my family. my My husband we were married 15 years

at that at that time, and we were there with our 14 year old

daughter and our our grown stepson or my stepson, his son,

who was out of the house but was there with his girlfriend. We

were all experiencing the beautiful islands of Hawaii for

the first time, and this was no ordinary family holiday because

typically that's about five to seven days, right? This was a 23

day holiday across the four islands of Hawaii. So, Sheree,

at that time, if you were looking at my Facebook feed and

you're seeing these pictures, you would have thought, "My God,

she has the life. She gets to be a stay-at-home mom. She has this

loving, supportive husband. She has these two beautiful

children, and she's in this incredible place on the planet,

and look at her and that beautiful smile. She must have

it all together. And what you would not have seen, Sherry, is

that during one of those sunsets, beautiful as it was, I

was standing on the shore, looking out, and observing, you

know, the golden orb on that jewel sapphire horizon, the

breeze caressing my face, and my family there with me, the people

that I love most, thinking, 23 days, who does that? Thinking,

I'm doing something that most people don't even do once in

their lifetime. I'm thinking, and I'm thinking, and I'm

thinking, and then I caught a thought, Sheree. Why am I not

feeling anything? I wasn't feeling excitement or happiness

or joy or peace. I wasn't feeling frustration or

disappointment or anything like that. I wasn't feeling anything

at all, and I thought, "Who am I right now?" I thought, "What is

happening?" Because I am a person who feels I feel life to

its fullest. That's who I normally am. So why is that not

happening in this particular moment, and and I thought,

where? Why am I not even feeling happiness right now? I know how

to make my husband happy. I know how to put a smile on my

daughter's face. I know how to appease my stepson. So why is it

not happening?

Yeah, and so we need this guy straight base,

right?

Yeah. So then I had this long. I won't go into all

the details, but I had this long conversation with myself, and

and it came down to I had this almost out of body experience

where I saw myself, and if you imagine dust particles in your

hair, that I was thinking, I am just. So it's like these dust

particles, but it was just. I am just a stay-at-home mom. I am

just a. I am just a just right, and I was like. Then, if you

take all that just away, then who am I? And this is what I

find with the women that I work with today, Cherie. That you

know they may not be, you know, they're they're covered in their

own just, just their title, just their labels, and and and I got

this from another a gal in a similar lane. She's like, "Oh, I

call it a just prison." I'm like, "Well, then I want to be a

just jailbreaker because we do we we imprison ourselves with

those thoughts." And that happened 10 years ago, and I set

myself up in a quest to go deep within, figure out, remember who

am I, and the beautiful thing was I, you know, I did some

actions with that, did some deep work with myself, and what came

out of that was my eight-year-old inner child.

No, that is beautiful. That is so beautiful.

Yeah, find it really interesting because if I look at you now,

and let's go back 10 years. You were, you were like right in

that midlife transition, right? Like it's amazing how these

these sort of disruptive moments come in, and they come in, and

they kind of rattle us at the core quite a bit, don't they?

They do. And so I'm, I'm, I'm I'm curious, like in that

moment, in this just I'm just this, I'm just that, you know,

I'm just these things. What what was the real big shift for you?

Like, you know, I know you were sort of saying you you want to

be a jail a just jailbreaker, which I think is just amazing.

But what what helped you to take that next step. Like, what was

it that was so profound? Because a lot of women, right, Lee, they

sit in that and they actually are like, "Oh, it's not for me."

And I know we're going to go here in this conversation. Oh,

you know, I'm not good enough and I'm not worthy enough. But

what what was it for you? Like, because you're you're you're

doing this in your business now. You're doing this in your life.

This is what you do. This is what you're passionate about. So

it must have been really profound for you. You remember,

like, is was there that like one moment or that one, you know,

that something?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Because when I got home from

from that holiday, I, with more reflection, I realized, wait a

minute, I've been living in a state of depression. Wow! Yeah,

and then when I dug deeper, I thought, well, how long have I

have I been living in this state? And I was like, oh, it's

nearly three years. But I had masked it even for myself

because we live in this day and age of social media where we're

always flashing our highlight reel, the best of ourselves. I

mean, getting to comparisonitis and and all of those things that

I was no longer being present in my life. And at at that time in

my life, I was a stay-at-home mom, which was a which was a

chapter I had wanted in my heart since I was 14 years old, and

now I was actually living it, and sure, the initial years I'm

all in it, I'm all in it. But 14 years into that journey, I lost

present, and so when I had this realization of like I need to

remember who I am, and I took myself through through a

process, and it's this process now that I use the candy method,

as you mentioned in my introduction. And what came out

out of that is my eight-year-old inner child who reminded me that

I love, love, love public speaking, and that has become my

calling. And I call that awakening for my clients. It's

their calling to purpose. I don't believe that everybody is

called to public speaking, but you, we each have our own

purpose, and so that sense of coming alive again. What, what

is it that makes you happy? Because Sheree, if you and I

went out on the sidewalk together right now and we

stopped people on the sidewalk, hey, I'm just taking a

questionnaire. What makes you happy? You know, 85% we would

hear everything that doesn't make them happy. Yeah, exactly.

Took a step back and said, "Okay, well, thank you for

sharing that." But what the real question is, what does make you

happy? We would get a lot of, "I don't know." Yeah, I

agree with you. I agree. People don't know. I I

don't. I was sharing this conversation just recently last

week with the the mastermind container. I mean, and I I don't

know who I was talking to, but we were having a conversation

about joy and contentment and happiness, and that I I believe

there's this real um this in society people really don't know

how to experience pure joy, contentment, and happiness. They

don't know what it is. They don't know what it is for

themselves. And a question like that, they're like, "I don't

know. I've never explored those parts of myself." I find that

really, really sad. I find like I feel really sad because, like

you, I'm in a really great space in. My life, and this is why I'm

doing this because let's get the message out. We got to do the

ripple effect, right? We got to get it out there. But yeah, it's

it's a big thing for people. They really haven't been asked

these sort of questions, and they don't know how to go there.

Yeah, and for me, it became a moment of one of my

favorite quotes, and it's by Howard Thurman, and it says,

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive.

Now go do that, because what the world needs is more people to

come alive, and that just that just ties in so beautifully to

what I do because it's like yes, let me break you out of that

just prison and let you come alive again, and it's so

powerful. So when my eight-year-old inner child

showed up, I thought, oh my goodness, that's right. I've

been wanting to be this professional speaker for so

long, but I would go after it. Something would happen, and I'd

get distracted, and I'd go do that, and then I would remind

myself, "Oh yeah, that's what I want to do." Get distracted

again, and now I was in this place of, "Oh, my daughter will

soon be heading off to college and leaving the proverbial nest,

leaving just my husband and me." I'm like, oh, I never thought

about that next chapter of myself. So yes, let's let's go

chasing that. Let's go do that thing that makes me come alive,

and see if I can help others to figure that out for themselves

and come alive. And that brings us to here we are today, Sherry,

where I get to share it with you.

I know, and I just one thing I love about you,

Lee, is you're so she you're just such a bubble of light.

Like you're so passionate and so excited about this. I mean, if

there's one woman who's walking her talk, it's Lee, and she's

out there and she's doing it. And I know that you, you know,

some of the listeners and the viewers, if you're watching this

on YouTube, might be going, "Oh, you know she's got it all

together. It's okay for her to say that she's done it, but I

know that Lee has a lot of other stuff going on behind the

scenes, some big stuff moving, and so it's you know we we it

doesn't have to be this or that. It can be both, and we can be

taking care of things at home, and then also going out there

and shining a light in the world, and I think for me, when

there's things going on at home, that's a driving factor for me

too, to want to really, really brighten up, really shine

brighter. So I I know it's there's some big stuff happening

for you, Lee. How are you? How are you coping with that in your

life? How are you handling all of that?

Yeah, definitely. And what's what's happening for me

is my husband now of 25 years marriage plus, he is going

through some health issues, and we're we're looking at an organ

transplant to keep him alive, and it's been a process. And it

started two years ago for me and in my journey, and that became a

major disruption. So here here's the love of my life that I that

I want to keep around for as long as possible, and then

here's a business that I want to build. Not only because it's a

calling in my heart, it's a desire to make that impact out

in the world. That if I can change and transform my self

talk and and change the results that I see in my reality, now

I'm called to do that for others, and also beyond that,

it's like I want to build this business in such a way that I am

able to retire my husband prior to the normal age of retirement,

because he has been supporting me for 25 years and beyond as a

stay-at-home mom. He knew from the get go, that was a dream and

desire in my heart, and he came on board with that. He's

provided for the family, and now in this next chapter, he's been

supporting me and building my dream and building my business.

And I want to pay that forward to him, not just because of his

his health conditions, and maybe it's in his best interest to

bring him home, but also because he's been supporting me. Why

don't I just flip that around? And then, as I'm out speaking

and traveling, he can come and travel with me because we both

enjoy that so much together. And so there's this heaviness of of

concern and and stress, if you will, and and then there's also

the stress and the pressure that I put on myself to go be

successful to make those things happen, and so yeah, they do co

coexist. And you know, Sherry, you know, I found out something

really interesting that made me go, "Oh, there's evidence. I

have evidence of how I'm living my walk.". I have. There's a

place here locally where a dear girlfriend of mine. She provides

these various modalities to help people with their health and

wellness. And one of the things that she does is she has these

nodes that she puts on your wrist, and she takes the

measurements of all the biometrics, so that you can see

how much stress is in your body, and then she puts she takes you

through the modality, and then she does the nodes again to to

see the impact of that modality. Well, when her clinician did the

initial reading on me, I watched her watch the screen, and I saw

this look on her face that was a bit puzzling, and I thought,

okay, interesting. And then she calls a coworker over. That

coworker comes over. She has a puzzling look on her face too.

And I and I just said, excuse me, is there something wrong?

And she said, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, there's nothing wrong.

It's just that we've never seen anybody come in with stress at

such a minimal level. Wow! And we haven't even done the

modality on you. You have the most, the least amount of stress

we have ever seen before, and like there's barely room for

improvement. And and I thought that's fantastic. That means I'm

walking my talk. That yes, I have a lot of things to be

stressful about. Yet I use my self talk in such a way to

regulate my nervous system so that it doesn't impact and and

take me down.

That's beautiful, Lee. Thank you for sharing that.

That's like and having that balance, it's so important. I

want to, and I want to dive a bit deeper into this soft talk

because I think we're getting down into the nitty-gritties

here. So many women reach midlife having spent decades

being everything to everyone, and you, you, you know that. I

know that. We've both got those hats and those medals. So how

how does that shape the way they speak to themselves?

Yeah, we have to start with the starting point. Yeah,

it's it's like programming a GPS. You have to have your

current location, and you have to have that destination. Where

do you go, right? And initially, why do we put it in the GPS

because we don't know the how, and then once we put in that

destination, we're like, okay, well, I'm trusting the process

because we don't see all the turn by turns, do we? But we

trust what's going to get us where we want to go, and so I

have I have this beautiful framework that I use, and I'll

and I'll share it with you. And I know we have audio listeners

too, so I'll explain it. I have a set of Scrabble letters here,

and

they spell out the word reactor. And so, as you're

listening, I want you to imagine, or if you're someplace

where you can take notes, write down the word reactor on your

paper. And the reactor is the woman who overthinks everything,

but she calls it planning. She is a perfectionist, and she's

like, "Oh, but that's my standards," or she's a people

pleaser. She's like, "Well, that's just being professional,

right?"

I know this one. I know these ones very, very

well,

and so really we're reacting to our circumstances,

and it could be internal, you know, with our thoughts and our

feelings. It could be external, the people around us, fur

babies, you know, emails, text messages, whatever demands our

attention. And so the reactor, we're busy, we're stressed,

we're overwhelmed, and really, we're like the letter C in

reactor, where we may feel like we are just stuck in the middle

of all the things. Now, for those of you who are writing

writing down, cross out the letter C, and what I'm going to

do is take out the letter C from the word here reactor because

the point is is to take you out of that environment, whether

it's with a deep breath, whether it's going out for a walk or

whatever it is that lets you you know just have a moment for you

so that you can see yourself pun intended see yourself for the

amazingness and brilliance that you are, that you are such a

magic miracle, and you have what I call 3g's: that you have

genius, you have gifts, and you have greatness that you get to

share in your relationships in the world, and to see that

first. And this is what my clients do. I have that gift of

seeing that inside of you, and I show you what needs to be seen.

And when you put yourself first, that's where the magic and the

transformation happens. Now, if you're listening, you write the

letter C in front of the rest of the letters, and you see. And

what do you

get? Gator,

because when you see yourself. First, you know what

is important, what truly matters, what is the real

priority, what are the boundaries. That's what women

need to be better at. What are the boundaries where we say no

so that we can say yes to ourselves? And it begins with

creating your morning. The moment your eyes pop open, what

are you creating? What's the self-talk happening there? Is it

dread? Oh gosh, it's another day. Or is it? Thank God, I have

another day, and you're showing up and serving the way you want

to. So you're creating the way you wake up in the morning.

You're creating the tone for your day. You're creating the

work, the relationships, the business that you want now.

Being a creator does not mean you control everything. It

doesn't happen that. Not at all. You know what really matters,

and so you you're following those step by step directions.

Those next steps that you can see that are taking you where

you want to go. That are taking you in the direction of helping

you become who you are meant to be, and so I, I take myself and

I take these women. How do you see yourself? Grab a mirror,

grab a

mirror,

and see yourself eye to eye, and go. Am I being a

reactor or a creator in my life? How do I see myself? And those

are the beginning steps, Sheree, of being mindful of the

self-talk because too many of us we're just running through life

with those 60 to 80,000 thoughts running on autoplay, and if

we're not paying attention, that's what's running our life.

Why don't we take a moment to be the creator of our lives, where

we choose the response and how we want to show up, and again,

it doesn't mean we control everything, but we can handle it

better. We can be proactive, or we can respond with that best

version of ourselves in any given moment.

That is beautiful. That is so, and

that's so. It sounds so simple, right? And it's such a like,

look at that reactor. Take the C, see yourself first, put it in

front. I think that's really powerful, and I hope that's

really resonated with many of you out there because it's just

really flipping that narrative. I talk a lot about asking better

questions and really flipping that narrative, and and how

important it is to you know see how we're we're programmed and

how we're actually speaking to ourselves. It's it's a huge

thing, and what was coming to me as you were you were talking

then, Lee, was this you know obviously going from my own

experience and also seeing other women where we're we're big

visionaries, so we're seeing the big picture. These

perfectionists and people pleasers, and you know, high

achievers and go getters, and just needing to be busy all the

time. There's some really something really sacred in in

following something like this, following a methodology that

helps you to actually really unpack this this self talk

because often we don't know what we need we don't know what we

know until you know someone highlights something like this

where it might be just simple little pow I remember when you

first showed me this Lee I was like that's really cool it's

really quirky really cool really simple and you know, I like you,

Lee. It really is that morning practice of pause, the sacred

pause. I I talk about the sacred pause a lot.

Yeah,

taking that time to see what's what's there for

you today, and taking taking the time to do a little mini audit

and taking stock, and so what? What I'm seeing here is like

myself, big visionary, recovering perfectionist. So all

the things for a woman who's kind of, so I know a lot of

women that are listening, kind of coming to this midlife, you

know, junction, and they they don't kind of know what they

need or they don't know how to start taking that audit, and so

they're going. This sounds simple for me, but you know what

are some first steps I can start taking? I know you said grab a

mirror, but what are some little practical steps you offer up for

for the ladies, Lee? What do you yeah say? How do you start?

Yeah, grounded in you know maybe sort of practical.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Well, certainly, one

one of the beginning steps I do with with my clients is what I

call the mirror test, and and I say, can you take that moment,

whether it's in a small mirror or your bathroom mirror, can you

see yourself human to human, or do you get caught up in the

vanity? Oh, the gray hairs! Oh, the fine lines! Oh, the age

flies! And you're looking at all of your imperfections. That is

not seeing yourself human to human. That's seeing yourself in

self criticism. I want to know: Can you make eye contact with

yourself? As if you were looking at your best friend, person who

is the most important and most lovable in your life, and taking

a look at what you know. If we had to rate yourself, you know,

one be like, I can't even make eye contact, and I have had

those women, or you know, up to 10, rating myself to a 10. Yes,

I can. I can look at myself, and I I can call myself by name, and

I can say I love you, and you know. And where are you?

Anywhere in between? That's the starting point. How you know

being honest with yourself, and and and really taking that

moment, and and acknowledging that, and then if it's not where

you want it to be. If you're not feeling that way about yourself,

then how do we get there? How do we get there? Can be that 10. So

that's that's one thing. The next is is looking at the

reactor to creator framework. How do you see yourself? Do you

see yourself reacting all all over the place? You know, in you

know what for those of us later in age, you know, with

perimenopause and menopause, we can have our hormones at play.

You know, we've got so many factors and moving parts in our

life that everything feels like we're putting out fire after

fire after fire. How much of that reactor mode is happening

in your life? And then where do you want to make the change? I

want to show up as the better version, if not the best version

of myself. How do I how do I get to to more of that? You know

where you can see yourself reactor or creator, and then

what is the self talk? Is is it you know the most common self

talk out there is I'm not good enough. Yeah, I feel guilty of

that too because I grew up with a mom who constantly reminded me

I was not good enough. And yeah, so how do we then get into a

place where we can reframe, rewrite, rewire? Because isn't

that the beautiful news that we have, Sheree? That if we're if

we got the negative inner critic going on. We don't have to. Our

brain scientifically has neuroplasticity, where we can

rewire those synopses so that if we want to change our self talk,

we can. You have to want it. You have to want it. You have to

commit to it because it takes diligence. You can't just snap

your fingers and say, "Ah, I feel good about myself." 100%

takes time.

It takes time. I think, and also just like the

step before that, Lee. Like having that awareness. Like if

things are really not going great in your life, and you're

like, "Why is everything going wrong? Or you know, you know the

big one. Why does this always happen to me? You know, there's

there's an opportunity for reframe right there, and it's an

opportunity to create awareness of what's happening in your life

and awareness around the self talk because often where we are,

we're in that negative bias that we have to you know, as humans,

to want to go there, but as soon as we catch ourselves, so we're

going to be able to catch ourselves, and then, then once

we can go, oh my god, I can hear myself saying this, and oh, you

know, I'm not worthy, and all, oh my god, and it can be

overwhelming at first, right? When you first discover, because

at first it's like, oh my God, is this is how I spend all these

years talking to myself like this? Exactly, exactly. And what

I found in my work, Sherry, is that there are 19 common phrases

that we typically say ourselves, and I have put them together

into a one sheet where on the left hand side I say don't say

that, and it's those 19 phrases that we typically say to

ourselves. And on the right hand side I have say this, and I give

you those frames. So if you're thinking, well, what am I

supposed to be saying instead? I I don't know exactly. I give you

the answers

that either you can use yourself, or maybe it'll

spark you for your own phrase to to reframe, because you know

when situations aren't going or expectations aren't you know

what what we desire, we women we're so good at brushing things

under the carpet, right? Exactly. Get in the closet. You

can't do that with your self-talk. We can't just go. Oh,

you know, yeah. So I said I'm not good enough. So what? I'm

gonna press. I'm gonna push harder anyway. It doesn't work

that way.

It doesn't. It doesn't.

What we say to ourselves, our reticular

activation system part of our brain, will go looking for

evidence of that. So if we're we're not, we can't push under

the carpet. I'm not good enough. We have to reframe it and

replace it with the "I am good enough" or just two words: "I'm

enough." We have

beautiful

claimer in there. I'm enough, and then your brain will

go looking for evidence. That and that's where we get the

change of results.

Yeah, I think a lot of a lot of women get really

caught up in that, so they're they're saying, "What was? Give

me an example there of what not to say." What you just said

before, yeah. The most popular one,

yeah, I'm I'm not good enough, or I'm overwhelmed.

That's another one. Yeah, there we go. That's a great one. I'm

overwhelmed. Another one we say. Yeah,

let's go with that one. So I'm overwhelmed,

and so I'm. This is a perfect example because I can use

myself, and that in the past I've I've been extremely

overwhelmed with with my work and things going on in life, and

so you know you'd be saying you're saying this. You've got

this self talk of I'm overwhelmed, and sometimes you

don't realize you're saying it, but because you're feeling it,

I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed. So you're

programming that constantly, and until you make that switch,

you're going to start. You're going to, like you said, you're

going to be looking for evidence of being overwhelmed, so you're

going to be overwhelmed all the time, right? And so these

beautiful, these beautiful don't say and do say sort of things.

These flipping the narrative, what what Lee's offering here,

these little guides are great if you're just starting out. Like

if you're going, I have nowhere. I don't know where to start. So,

this is a really a really great thing if you can get your hands

on some tools like this. And I know Lee's got a little gift for

us at the end of this, but yeah, just things to help you until

you you build that muscle yourself. You know, it's like

going to the gym, right? You've got to exercise it. You've got

to practice. It's like anything you do. Practice, practice,

practice. It's not going to happen like overnight. It's not

going to be a quick fix. I'm going to take this pill and

everything's going to be better. So

right, right. And and for me, just just to touch back

on my own personal story, Sherry. You know when I you know

I became aware of my depression that day on the beach, right?

Yeah. When I get home, I created that practice for myself, which

now has become the Candy Method. And it was 30 days. I committed

myself, and it was 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. Repetitive

motions and reframing, keeping that self awareness and

reframing, and into the 90 days, that's where my eight year old

inner child reappeared in my in my life and reminded me who I

really am. And in the next eight months, Sheree fully

accelerated. I got into the best health of my life. I yeah right

my marriage that was in a real struggle at that time. I became

an award-winning speaker, and I published my first book that

became an international bestseller. And that all

happened in eight months. It was everything was accelerating so

fast, and I thought, what is happening? But my the because of

resetting my talk, my self-talk, then the things that I wanted.

They were that evidence, right? I am a funny speaker. It showed

up absolutely. You are. You so loving supportive marriage that

showed up. You know, I am. I'm a published author. That showed

up. It it all started showing up because of that diligent

reframing, but no, it was it was no overnight success by any

means.

No, no, and I love I love what you're saying

about this, like your 30 days, 60 days, 90 days, just taking it

in bite-sized chunks. And there's a couple of threads

coming off here with me, so I want to keep my chain of thought

going because I'm like going oh there's this one over here I

want to talk about that so I um what I was hearing was those

bite sized chunks and what came to me was the importance of

accountability during that time

yes

and that when you change your mindset and you

change this and you have the awareness around it. You can

truly change your life. Like you can, I've done this as well. You

can truly, truly transform your life and flip it. And so, the

other piece that's landing for me is you've mentioned your

little eight-year-old, your little girl, your eight-year-old

little girl a number of times, and I'm curious to to find out

that eight-year-old little girl, your inner child, is there some

part of you from when you were eight years old that knew this

already, that you wanted to be doing what you do and on the

stage? Because I, I know for me, there's, you know, healing that

part of myself from a little girl, and now doing kind of what

I wanted to do when I was little. Is there a bridge there?

Is there like a connection for you there, Lee?

There is because when I when when I took a look back,

I was like, oh yeah, I was I was an early reader, and I had I you

know what you would call a gift. For reading out loud, and so I

was called upon in many classrooms, and it was my

catechist teacher who said, "Lee, you're you're so you're so

great at reading. Would you read the scriptures at an upcoming

church service?" And I just said yes because I I enjoyed it, and

there was no there were no preconceived notions of, oh my

gosh, I'm going to get in front of a whole bunch of people. Can

I do this? Can I do this? Can it? Didn't even faze me. I just

thought I'm going to get up there and I'm going to read the

page that's in front of me. Right? Not 100%. Not bothered or

phased by the three to 500 people out there in the

congregation looking back at me didn't even phase me. I'm just

reading the words, and then when I walked away from the

sanctuary, I felt this visceral shiver or quiver ripple through

my body, and it was such a delightful feeling that I

thought, "What is that feeling, and how do I get more of that?

It it's what I chase, and and I liken it to for anybody who has

seen the f1 movie with Brad Pitt, and he has a moment where

he talks about why does he keep racing, and he explains that,

and then he gets to experience that in in the movie. And for

me, I'm like, that's it. I keep getting on stage. I keep

grabbing the mic. I keep finding these opportunities or creating

the opportunities to share my story and message because it's

that feeling, that little quiver that goes through my body. So

yeah, I love that myself that started it, and she remembered

it because she whispered in me. She said, "Remember how we love

public speaking. Let's go chasing that. Let's go." So, and

and that's that's what I love, you know, helping for. It's

like, okay, you know, Sheree. It's like, what is it for you?

Maybe it's not an inner child moment, but what is it that that

makes you shiver with excitement? I could have taken

that moment, you know. Now that I understand so much later in

years, I could have taken that and and had it be a negative

thing of stage fright. Oh my God, that was so scary! I never

want to do that again. And we get that from so many people,

right? They're like, I don't want to get up in front of an

audience, and you know, and we get the statistics that people

would rather face death than than a group of people. And you

know, phenomenal, isn't it? Yes, but for me, it was it was a

moment of excitement and thrill. And so that's what I what I what

makes me feel alive, and that's what I go after. And so now, you

know, I I ask because I have that for myself. That's where I

ask the women that I work with. I'm like, what is it for you?

What is it that said either that you know abundance of joy that

just emanates from you that makes you just feel so alive?

What is that, and how can we now rewrite, reframe, rewire the

self talk so that it is in alignment with you, and that's

that's what I liken to your message, Sherry, as the sacred

reset. Right when we have that understanding

of who we are and who we're meant to be out in the world,

there's no feeling like it. It's so euphoric, and that's what I

want. Imagine all of us living in euphoria. I know,

and this is why this this is one of the reasons

why I started this podcast in the first place because it's

like I want to have these conversations because and when

you've got an alignment between say two of us having a

conversation like this even me on a solo episode looking down

the camera it's a ripple effect and the intention's there the

loving intention is there to really shift the planet and

really change the way things are happening in the world right

now. So we need more of you out there. So ladies, you gotta you

gotta listen to this and start changing the narrative and start

flipping flipping things because you are needed. I'm really

curiously. I know we'll have to wrap up soon, but I just would

love to you. You've mentioned your candy method a number of

times as well, which isn't that isn't that divine, sweet sweet

candy candy method. So how does that how does that help women

change their inner dialog?

Yes, and again, this is taken from from my personal

journey. You know, you heard my depression story. You know, now

into my direction with purpose, and when I took a look back,

because when that child showed up, I'm like, "Okay, but what

will I speak about?" And I thought, "Okay, let's just begin

with my own story and see how that lands." And I thought,

"Well, how did I move out of this depression?" And it's taken

my my now 30 plus years of personal development studies, my

life coaching skills, and my NLP neuro linguistic programming

skills worked that on myself, and it was like like you said

earlier, Sheree. It was asking the right questions, right? So

first is the C. That's clarity. Who am I without the labels?

When I clear the just, what is still there? Who am I really?

What makes me happy? What makes me come alive? What is the dream

for myself? And getting really clear on that, and that becomes

like the GPS of like my my starting point, and where do I

want to go? Who do I want to become? And then we move into

the A, which is affirmation, because for me in my journey, I

I chose a word to help me through it, and my word was

laugh, because I couldn't remember when was the last time

I laughed. So I felt was aligned, and there's a right way

and a wrong way to use affirmations, and of course, I'm

going to guide you in the right and the most effective ways to

do that. And then when I realized, oh, I do, I want to go

back into public speaking. How do I do that? I'm currently a

stay-at-home mom. the the The further down the road path is

that professional speaking. There's a gap in between, and so

become necessary steps to make that transformation or to aspire

towards that goal. So then the N is the necessity, and then the D

is like okay. And I like to say I have the can and my candy now,

but I can't. I can't. I can't. But if we don't do anything with

it, because what comes up when we make a decision, Sheree, all

the resistance. Oh yeah, really comes alive and says, "But I

can't do this." All the things, and so the D is the discipline,

and it's

disciplining our thoughts. We must become so acutely aware of

our thoughts, so that we can diligently reframe them. And

then it's also the feelings, navigating our feelings and what

comes up, because we want the feelings of alignment, and then

the actual doing. Right? We must take action, and whether it's

something small or we're taking that giant leap, and anywhere in

between, we must take action. Action helps us get clarity.

Action helps us get the confidence. Action tells our

brain, "Oh, we did something. Wait,

alive. Okay, okay. We survived it. I

survived it. Oh, I did that. Okay. Well, what else can

I do? So the D is the discipline, and the Y is is my

favorite part because it's all about you and celebrating. And

for me, it could be a little thing of like I'm giving myself

a high five over my head, or I'm going in the mirror, and and

this was a practice that that I was doing before Mel Robbins

turned it into a book and a movement, you know, high fiving

yourself. It's because that is the biggest prevention to burn

out. We man, we can be such high achievers, high performers, such

go getters, and we do when we do when we do. But if we don't take

a moment again, even if it's just a moment of a deep breath

to acknowledge, I accomplished that. We need that moment to let

our brain know, oh wow, we did that. We're still alive. We're

still here. What else can I do? If we don't take that moment,

we're going to just push, push, push, push. We never had that

self-regulation, and then we're just going to completely deplete

the energy and burn ourselves out. So you is about celebrating

you. Going, ah,

yes,

I did that. You know, or put, you know, call up a

friend. It's like, guess what I just did?

Exactly.

Me, and it's uh, it's so necessary, so necessary. And

it make it fun, make it fun. And if it's something as big as a

spa day, ladies, go do it. Go have a spa day. You know, call

up a girlfriend and have you know a a coffee and and you know

just go enjoy that. Or if it's like, all right, I'm gonna cut,

you know, do a two hour time block for myself, where it's

just all about me, whatever that means. Do that, and sometimes do

it. Schedule is so full, and all you can do is a deep breath,

like, all right, that deep

breath, ladies.

All right, let's go. So that's the candy method. So

altogether, Surrey. It's clarity, affirmation, necessity,

discipline, discipline, you and you. And on

that note, with you, it's you know we don't celebrate the

small wins enough, ladies. We're always looking for the big hits,

but it could be something just little by oh, I stopped today

and paused and gave myself time to make a cup of tea and take

that breath. We do need to celebrate ourselves, and we need

to celebrate those small little wins because they're the

bite-sized chunks. To the bigger vision, wouldn't you agree, Lee?

So so important, and they compound. They compound.

In such a beautiful way.

Yeah, and before you know it, after a few months,

you're like, oh my god, look at my life changing. It's super

super important. And on that note, with your candy method,

Lee, where where can the ladies find you? What have you got? I

believe you've got a little gift for them today, which I will put

in the show notes, and you can grab everything there. But can

you tell us a little bit about where they can find you and what

you've got today? Yes, absolutely, and thank you so

much for this beautiful conversation, Sherry. I've just

enjoyed every moment of it, and I hope our ladies are taking too

a little nugget away that they can they can they can you know

marinate and and and do something with. So yes, I have

what I call the five minute self talk reset, and you know you

heard earlier that I mentioned the 19 phrases we typically say

to each other, and so you get that one page easily printed

out. Have it at

your desk side, so that when you catch the thought,

you're like, "Oh, but what should I be saying?" And you can

look at that. Tape it to your bathroom mirror, and because

that's where most of our self talk happens, is in the mirror.

Or put it as a wallpaper on your phone, because we carry our

phones with us everywhere we go. So when you, what a great idea!

And then you think, "Oh, but what can I be saying?" Until you

make it your own habit, and it only takes five minutes. I give

you the overview of what candy is all about, and then I give

you that single page with the two columns. Take five minutes,

create that reset. So when you catch the thought, reframe it,

and then rewire it into your brain. Five minutes, you are

worth so much more than five minutes. You are more than just

whatever label you put on yourself. So take this moment

for you. The five-minute self-talk reset. You can get

that by going to rewriteyourselftalk.com, and

that invites you into my ecosystem where we can have a

conversation, and if you want to deep dive further into the candy

method, I'm here for it. But yes, please take advantage of

the free gift. Don't just download it; really, print it

out and put it to use. And you can grab that at

rewriteyourselftalk.com because when you change your self talk,

you change your results.

Yeah, you absolutely do, Lee. That and

ladies, that is a phenomenal gift and a great starting point.

I highly recommend that you download that resource and get

into Lee's world. Like she's a phenomenal woman. I'm just, I

just, she is a soul sister. I love her so much. And before we

go, I do have a little question. So I've got these beautiful

little cards that I call conversation cards that I

created, and there's a six different categories they come

under. But I've got I've got six here. There are 36 in total in

these cards, but I've got six here that I've picked out for

Lee, and I'm going to ask you, Lee, to choose a number between

one and six. So I'm going to like ones this side here, 23456,

and I'm going to take that card. I'm going to ask you the

question on that card.

Okay. Well, when I have a look at the card, it's

the number five. It's the number five card that was pulling. This

one.

Yes.

This one. Yes. So we've got number five. I'm doing

this in real time. If you're listening to this, I'm pulling

cards, and we're going to have a little look at the question. And

so, are you ready for this? I'm ready. Where in your life are

you being invited to trust yourself more?

Wow! Thank you. Such a beautiful question.

Yeah, I love that question.

Oh,

take your Time. Where in your life are you being

invited to trust yourself more?

It's trusting myself in those moments where I show

up. I have such heart for wanting to give, to give value,

to give, to give that moment of aha and empowerment, and I will

catch myself at times. I'm getting better at it. Catch

myself of Lee, you're trying too hard, and you don't have to. You

don't have to. The process is already in motion, and it's not

up to you to control all the all the moving parts. All you have

to do is be present and show. Up, you are already. Are you are

you are enough? You are valuable. You are worthy. You

are resonating with the women who need you most. So lean in to

just being, just be you, and just be where you are. That's

like, oh, okay, okay. It's such, it's such a humbling epiphany,

right? Like, like, oh, oh, I do get so passionate, and I do get

just a little, and it's like I, you know, desiring this and

desiring that, and and and I'm working, and and making sure

that I keep myself from the word try. Right, I'm trying. It's

like no, I'm not trying. It's like where am I just doing? And

then also recognizing like, oh, okay, well maybe I I am doing,

but where am I being? And so trusting myself.

That's that's where I be called. So thank you

for that beautiful question. It's a pleasure. You picked it.

You picked it. It was. I I like adding this in because it. You

know the listeners and the viewers. You know I I want these

episodes to be really grounded in that we're all human and

we're all doing our best, honey. We're all doing our best, and

we're all on this journey, no matter where we are on the

trajectory. So, thank you for sharing really vulnerably

because it's like Lee is living her work every day, and it's

normally what we're doing, we're we're our biggest thing that's

taught us, or we're journeying through in our life. Our biggest

lessons is what we then go on to help share and teach with other

people. So, Lee, thank you so so much. It's been an absolute

honor having you here today, and I'm sure there'll be another

interview in the pipeline somewhere along the way. Love

it! Thank you for joining me on the Sacred She Reset, awakening

your radiant wisdom, and I look forward to us chatting again

soon. Absolutely. So, what I'm taking away from today's

conversation is that sometimes the biggest thing standing

between us and our next chapter is in our circumstances; it's

the story we have been telling ourselves about who we're

allowed to be, and perhaps that's something worth sitting

with this week. What have I been telling myself that I'm finally

ready to question? I'll leave you with that, and thanks for

joining me for this week's episode. Big love from Shurehi.

Bye for now.